Oh Hey,

Nice To Meet You...

I’ve been racking my brain on the best way to kick this off, and all I can come up with is to start typing and see where it takes to me, so here goes. 

I’m not going to introduce myself the way people normally would. To be honest, I don’t want you to know me the way people normally would. I know usually an introduction includes a name and maybe a bit about the person, but I definitely won’t be sharing my name and if this goes how I think it will you’re going to learn more than enough about me. I wanted to create this space, a safe space, for me to be able to really be myself, to express myself in a way I can’t usually. When I’m writing things to communicate to people and I know they’ll be reading it from me, knowing it’s from me, I know I’m too concerned about the way I’m perceived. To be perfectly candid, I’ve had enough of giving a shit. I know most 20-somethings have had enough of giving a shit. We’re reaching that stage in life where you can either stop giving a shit and truly begin to know and understand yourself, or you can settle into a pattern of always giving a shit and no one will ever really know you, not even yourself. Most of my life people would describe me as loud, but most of my life I stopped myself from living and loving out loud and instead I became a loud person who’s true personality got drowned out by the noise. I think I was so scared of people knowing the me under the bravado and rejecting me for it that it became easier to hide under who I thought I should be. I don’t want to be who I think I should be anymore, I just want to be who I am. I feel like there’s no way I’m the only person out there feeling like this, and whether you’re 20-something or 50-something, it’s likely at some point in life you’ve felt like this too. If you’re one of the lucky ones that are born living their whole self out loud and manage to obtain that throughout then maybe this won’t be for you, but maybe there will be something or other that I mention that does resonate. No two people are the same and in my personal opinion no two people are entirely different either. People are way too complex for it to be that simple. As humans, we’re wrapped in a complex world of duality and similarity, and we all sit somewhere along that spectrum. So again, maybe this won’t be for you but if there’s just one person out there who relates I feel like we’ll both feel better knowing we’re not alone. 

Essentially, I’ll be navigating my way through all the things that most of us face during one of the most challenging periods of our lives, whether it happens during your twenties or a bit later down the line. Whilst doing this, I’m going to make the promise to (try to) be as honest as physically possible and to not skip out any juicy details that might be relevant to the points I try to make. I won’t say I have all the answers or that I’m always right or that I’ll even always include the full story, but I will say that I really do try to do my best. I will also say that I try not to absolve myself of blame when I can take it, but I also try my best to be self forgiving and to accept that I’m human so I’m going to fuck up sometimes and that’s perfectly okay. The only person you really have to live with in this world is yourself so as long as I can face myself in the mirror every day I’ll be okay. I’m pretty sure most of us will be, and if what I have to say helps someone else feel okay then I’ll be pretty happy with that. 

I want to share a few things about me to bear in mind throughout wherever this journey takes us. I’m the lower end of my twenties, not quite freshly in them but still young enough where I’ve got a fair few years until I hit the dirty thirty. I’ve also been in therapy for the last 3 years or so and I’d like to think sometimes I’m a bit of an old soul. There’s no way this is my first time living a human life because I get way too easily fed up of this shit. I’m also sometimes painfully optimistic externally, but I decided a while ago I’d rather be too happy than fucking miserable. Internally, however, I can definitely be fucking miserable sometimes. I’ve had my fair share of mental health struggles (not that those kind of struggles ever really go away), and my fair share of a shit show so far, but I’m also extremely fortunate to have a very loving family. Speaking of family they’re super fucking intense, meaning so am I. And I also sometimes struggle continually upholding stable relationships. Lots of this we’ll touch on more the further down the line we get, but I think these are good places to start, just so you can really get my vibe. Lots of people would say I’m a bit ‘hippy dippy’, others would probably say I’m a bit of a bitch (likely because they were a bitch first or in my opinion deserved it - like I said, I’m trying to be super honest). I’m fiercely loyal, extremely loving, and a bit of a fucking nutcase sometimes. I wouldn’t really have it any other way. 

So there it is, my weird-ass, not-really-an-introduction introduction. Like I say, I’m not going to tell you my name, and anyone else I write about I won’t be using their real name either, but I might drop some little hints in there because I’m not anything if a little chaotic. Hopefully, you reading this will recognise what I’m aiming for, but if you don’t I just want you to know I’m done giving a shit anyway. 

Lots of Love, 

Your 20-something Ray of Fucking Sunshine X