When people ask me “what do you want out of this life?” I can only think of one answer, one that at this moment I would never actually answer with, out loud. I think of this feeling I have, that’s not always obvious but kind of always there, a feeling deep in my gut. At some point over the last couple of years I started calling it ‘The Yearning’ to myself because it’s literally the best way I can describe it. It’s as if I can feel that there is something out there that I’m supposed to find. This thing that’s screaming at me from miles and miles away but I can still hear it echoing around me. 

Being someone who experiences every emotion deeply and completely can be really fucking hard. Not everyone is built for it, and I’m still not sure I am. People who feel things with the intensity of a thousand burning suns tend to find their own ways to cope. Some choose drinking or smoking or an array of substances, others choose medications and antidepressants, others don’t cope at all and live life trying to suppress the most intense parts of themselves. I’ve done two out of those three (although there’s plenty of other coping mechanisms people use).